Reflections and resolutions

I love a new year. What a better time to start over, start fresh or start something new. Funny thing is, I can only remember one resolution that I actually kept. And it was only for that year and then it was no more.

More importantly it's a time to reflect on the year past. The title of this post hit me as I was going though Holiday pictures. I found this one, where our living and dining room were reflected in an ornament.



I've been reflecting lately, which has ultimately put me in a place of self-judgment. I spent way too much time on the computer. I watched entirely too much tv. I didn't play with Nate enough. I stopped doing the things I love, like cooking. I wasn't very organized. I think we all might be guilty of this. So, I am trying something new. I am trying to focus on the positive reflections of this past year. I learned to love my job. I acquired a new hobby. I formed new "virtual" friendships that have helped me in more ways than they will ever know. I continued to build my relationship with God. I tried to be the best mother and wife I could be. I know I'm not perfect (as much as I sometimes might try to be). I'm not even the mother I thought I would be. Realization hit that the image of what I thought I would be as a mother was a fake, stolen from movies and tv commercials that portrayed super-moms who could do it all. I am not a super hero. I can't do it all. It's not possible. Learning to live with that has been difficult for me this year. Slowly accepting it has granted me some relief from my self-judgment.

In this new year, I have made few (okay, a lot) of resolutions for myself. Some I'll keep, some I won't. But most of all I hope I can be open to acceptance. Accepting this imperfect side of myself. Accepting that the clutter and never-ending piles of laundry are a part of my life, not an imperfection. Accepting that I just might always be 10 minutes late for everything (and that number might jump to 20 once we add another kid to our clan). Accept our busy schedule, lack of family time, unorganized closets, and never empty sink as part of our wonderful, beautiful, fulfilling and oh-so-happy lives. I'll probably never stop trying to achieve this image of a perfect mother in my head. But maybe learning to be accepting of myself is half the battle.

That's right

That's my one and a half year old eating a hummus and carrot sandwhich. And loving every bite of it!

Wordless Wednesday

Happy year and a half!

Today is our big guy's year and a half birthday. Wow. Has it really been 18 months already? Can't we slow it down a little? I am looking at 24m stuff and thinking, no way, there is no way my little baby would fit into this! And much to my disappointment, it fits him perfectly. Sigh. And so I just try to enjoy each and every moment. Even the ones like today, when he threw a royal fit for no apparent reason whatsoever during PT. Even when he is up during the night, won't sleep during the day, won't eat his veggies and cries and cries for anything on bread, tries repeatedly to rip off my glasses, throws everything off his stander onto the floor, seems to poop for days straight and refuses to go to sleep until I read him just one more book. Oh yes, I enjoy all those moments*. Because before long he'll be his own independent person and won't need me as much and I'll have those moments to look back on.

*We do realize he is a very laid-back baby and don't have anything to complain about. Really, I'm not complaining!



We love you big guy and we are so proud of you!

Wordless Wednesday

Two of the same

Our first Christmas living together we bought a big tree. Our moms gave us ornaments from our childhoods to decorate our tree and I was excited to intermingle them together for the first time. As we were pulling out ornaments we realized we had two of the same ornaments. The exact same. It was a really wierd moment, and no amount of thinking could conjure up where each of us aquired them. My only guess is that we got it in girl/boy scouts and the troop mom was the same for both (I think I might even know who it is-I recognize the handwriting and she had a son and daughter our age). So, now it has become tradition that each year as we decorate the tree we look for these exact same ornaments and find them a special place on the tree next to each other.



We also have two "Baby's First Christmas 1980" ornaments. They aren't the same but we're still not sure which blongs to who. Or whom. Whatever. I think mine is the one with the girl on the horse and his is the one with the teddy bear. Moms, could you help us out on this one?





Thanks.

Oh,

the weather outside is frightful



but inside it's so delightful



and since we've no place to go

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Ten Things

I haven't done a top ten in awhile so I thought I could catch everyone up with two top tens-one for Nate and one for myself (and Ryan).

Nate

10. He is starting to become a picky eater. One day he loves carrots, the next he is gagging and spitting them out.
9. He loves to make things spin or roll. He'd spin his stacking rings on the floor, or in his high chair or stander for hours if we'd let him!
8. He's quite the water baby and is starting to splash and get really active during water therapy.
7. He can find/point to/show you his hair, ears, nose, eyes, mouth, belly, arm, fingers, toes, feet, knee and back.
6. He is totally addicted to "lift the flap" books. And books in general. Not such a bad thing to be addicted to!
5. He made his first "painting" last week! To my surprise I came home to find that he had painted and played with play-doh during OT!



4.He'll wave bye-bye on occasion, usually only to his Auntie Gina on the webcam. I guess she's the chosen one.
3. I think he is starting to get his two year molars due to the constant drooling and sticking his fingers into the back of his mouth.
2. He has his own Christmas tree in his room (It's a Burnett tradition! And it's only 3ft tall, but makes tree number 3 in our house!)
1. HE SAID HIS FIRST WORD! He's said a few words before, da-da, ba-ba, bye-bye, but they were all prompted and usually said by us first. But this was totally his doing in his excitement. His PT, Toni, has a secret weapon-bubbles. Nathan LOVES bubbles. So she brought them out the other day and as soon as he saw them he started whining. When she blew them he got really excited and said "buh- ba!" It was soooooo cute! And I sware today I heard him say "eat". The switch has definately been turned on!

Us

10. A very recent development: Ryan is in negotiations about doing some detective work a few nights a week. This is definately an exciting avenue for him!
9. This weekend is our annual trip to Marshall Field's (okay, Macys)to eat lunch under the big tree. This started with Ryan's mom when she was a little girl and would take the train with her Grandmother. I've been going with Ryan and his family for over 10 years now. It's a wonderful tradition and we look forward to it every year!
8.Much to my dismay and for the first time in several years, our house was not decorated for Christmas the weekend after Thanksgiving (and at this very moment is STILL not decorated). See number 7 for explanation.
7. We got new carepting! It was much needed and something we have been talking about doing for a long time. Thank goodness for Empire and their quick installation! There's nothing like new carpeting to make you feel like a) you have a brand new house. And b) your house is the cleanest it has been years (even if that is an illusion).
6. We have recently realized that we have a SERIOUS problem with punctuality. Meaning, we have none. And it's totally out of control.
5. I have been trying my luck with coupons for grocery shopping and the whole ordeal has just been trying my patience. No good coupons for organic food, ever. I loathe grocery shopping and am considering quitting all together and just eating out 7 nights a week. How's that for healthy?
4. This is Ryan's first week on 10 hour shifts. I am looking forward to those first three days off in a row. We subscribe to Netflix and are going to try to make Sunday nights "movie nights". My one concern is getting back into cooking meals, even just for three nights a week (see number 5).
3. Today, Ryan deemed Thursday's "Pajama Thursday". You guessed it, Nathan was still in his jammies when I got home from work (and Ryan would have been too if he wasn't headed out the door for work). His reasoning is that Thursday is the only weekday that he they don't have to prepare for or go to therapy. A valid reason, I think. And also kind of cute!
2. There are babies all around us (or so it seems). My cousin Erin is due in January, a neighbor from my childhood just had her third baby today (Happy Birthday Baby Healy!), my friend and hair stylist is due next month, a friend I reunited with on Facebook and has taken some of Nathan's pictures is pregnant with twins, and I just made plans to go visit friends from college who recently had a baby boy. Whew! It's definately got me thinking...
1. The Christmas season is here! We are looking forward to celebrating Jesus' birthday and spending time with family and friends. Sometimes we forget what this time of year is truly about and get too wrapped up (literally. ha!) in the buying and consuming part of it. It is my hope that we will stay focused on the one amazing gift we have all been given!

Wordless Wednesday